Alone

My mum send here earlier 2 weeks so i can settle down first before i start class...
she wanted to make sure i overcome homesick before i start school..
and she said if i do fall sick the 1st week i can always have the second week to recover...

Well...i did not get sick in the 1st week or the 2nd but i'm sick now
exactly a day before class reopens...
not only physically but also emotionally...

I'm confuss with the lifestyle here...everyone is always so busy going here going there...
I just like to hang around at home...play with computer...chat with my friends...watch movies...is it wrong to do that?
Is hanging around at home wrong?
Must i make myself busy walking in the streets?
Must my day be packed with activities?

I don't have any friends here..so what do you suggest me to do?
Walk up to a stranger and say 'Hi! I'm U Sun from Malaysia. Would you like to be my friend'..what will ppl think..i'm sure that stranger will call up the ambulance and give me a free medical check up..
Or do you suggest me to go have a walk outside the street...breath some fresh air?
My foot la...breath dust that's the only thing you get...
walk?...i have a few more years to go here..walking the same street everyday..are you afraid i won't have the chance to get to know the place??!

I just got here...and i don't have any close friends here..
I can only look up for my friends back at home...
and the only thing that keeps us in touch and doesn't cost so much is only MSN..
To me it is really important now!!
To some of you it might not be..and more over there is a time difference between us...
So what to do..we can only make plans and online the same time...
we treasure the every chance we can to keep in contact...
I don' t wanna lose my friends...they are all i have got now..
i can't tell my parents anything..it will only make them worry..

Do you think i like to be alone? I don't!! Who likes to be alone...
I hate eating alone...i hate going to school alone...i hate walking alone...i hate waiting alone...
But rather being alone in a place filled with strangers i rather be alone at home where everything seems more familiar to be...where i think i feel safer..
Being in the train alone is more than enough for me...
ppl tell me you can take a nap in the train if you like o you can read a novel..
let me tell you..in the train you r alone...they is no one to look after you o your things..
if you take a nap o read ur books...
and if something really happens to you..mayb being rob o something...who is there to be blame..
you weren't taking care of your things..
Do you know the feeling of sitting alone in the train station off peak hours...
and more over in a suburb...where there are not much ppl..
How would you know... you never have to be sitting there...
the wind blows and you feel cold..a stare from a stranger gives you the shivers..
the crows makes you turn eveytime they scream..
every minutes that passes makes me think ..have i miss the last trian
where was i to go if the trian broke down and there's no more service..
all i want than is for the train to come quickly so i can go home
where i feel warm and safe there....
I won't want to spend another moment alone in the streets...

I have been a lazy worm at home for 7 months...and now that i'm staring classes again it takes some time for me to adjust myself...
I'm not a robot you know...feeling tired is something very natural....
it is not only the change of climate is effecting me but also all the travelling that i won't have to do back home is tiring me...
How do you expect 7 yr old child to not be tired when he has just stared having tuitions in the afternoon...he is use to taking naps you know...
you have to give him some time...

I know that everything you do is the best for us..
I know we cannot afford to waste money here..
but i'm not psychic you know...
i don't know what you r thinking..so you have to tell me..
Things that are done are already done...
There is no point getting in a fight for it anymore...
There r somethings that I refuse to do...
and you ask for a reason...
does everything have to have a reason...
let me tell you...i refuse to do things..
because i don't have the confidence in it and i'm not ready for it..
i know ppl will say there r only reasons but that is what i feel..
and i just don't want to do it..

You might find me lauging to myself sometimes
mayb it is the movie that is making me laugh
mayb it's not
but what i'm sure is
i'm not laghing inside..

Mei duan lao shi is right...being 18 1/2 was the best time of life...