The man i love

My beloved Papa,
the one who love me for who i am,
and not for what i am.

the one who i can always trust on no matter what,
the one who always comes out with a perfect decision
that everyone will be happy with.

the one who supports me always,
when others tell me is time to give up.

the one who always believes in my abilities,
when i don't even know if i have them or not.

the one who taught me the importance of family and friends,
the one who taught how to respect my elders.

the one who always taught me to keep my promises,
although he never did in the end.

the one who taught me to conquer my fear,
but which i never learn to.

the one who never failed me,
and i will never know if i failed him.

the one who gave me his eyes, his nose
and even the way he walks.

the one who taught me to sing my very first Teresa Teng song,
where we would always sing the song together many years after.

the one who played monster with us in the car,
even though he was already tired from work.

the one who cried out 'miaw miaw' with me,
when i was scared in the Ferris wheel.

the one who would carry us high in up in his strong arms
and turn us into his very own little aeroplane.

the one who taught me how to hold my breath under water,
and played 'shark' with me in the pool,
which makes me know how to swim today.

the one who let me stand on his back to give him a massage,
even though it must have been the last massage place he would go to.

the one who i watched football with,
and scream 'goal' together even though it was way pass my bed time.

the one who we had movie time together,
and telling us not to look when there were scary scenes.

the one who would come and camp in our bedroom,
although we had limited places in the bed.

the one who tells me that results are not everything
as long as i know i tried my best because he knows we are the same.

the one who taught me to drive illegally
and was not afraid to be my very first passenger.

the one who always told me i look beautiful,
although my hair cut was ugly or just weird.

the one who insist in attending my graduation,
even though he wasn't feeling very well.

the one who says the music i listen to are terrible,
and yet listens it with me in the car everytime.

the one who i would wait with every Saturday night for the sms,
to see if he had won the lottery.

the one who always says i am eating too much,
and yet orders another extra bowl of food to share with me.

the one who i would share the newspaper with at the market,
where he'll have the sports section and me the entertainment.

the one who taught me about politics,
although i ask the same question over and over again.

the one who taught me about the business world
and the world of black and whites.

the one who gave me everything i ask for,
when i never really gave him anything back.

the one who i have the same passion of teh-c kosong with
the one who does not reluctant to tell me what i have done wrong.
there are just so many things that he did for me
which i cannot possibly list but i know that he is
the one who i will never know if i had every let him down
the one who i will never know of his future plans for me
the one who can never hear me compliant about things anymore
the one who i can never celebrate another occasion with again
the one who i can never rely on anymore
the one who cannot protect me anymore
the one who i cried so much for
the one who i long to hold on so badly
the one who i long to touch again
the one who i will do anything to see him smile again
the one who i can never forget
the one who i can never say i love you anymore.

i know that all the tears in the world,
all the prayers i make,
all the regrets i have,
all the money in the world,
will never bring him back again..

I never know the feeling of loosing a grandpa or a husband,
a brother or a son or even breaking up with a boyfriend.
But i know how it feels to loose the man you love.
Because i have loose the man i love the most.

Sometimes i wish we were never that close,
that way i will not miss you so much.

Why do i post this today?
Because today is the 100th day he left us..

I deleted this post after a few days of posting cause i thought it might be a bit too personal or emotional for some, but after some thought....i think i should share it with you guys,
cause i want everyone to know how important your love ones are to you!!

After reading this,
you might feel this is a typical father and daughter bonding,
and you might feel it some how relates to you or maybe not,
i understand that
Everyone is different,
you might never had a good relationship with your parents or siblings,
or you might never was close to them,
or you might never even have met them before
or you might have lost one or even both of them since young.
and sometimes you might think you are a nobody at home...

But i just want to tell you,
if you think that no one cares about you,
and that you are always alone out there,
you are wrong!!

Look around you..
everyone beside you, no matter if they are your friends or family,
they are still there with you because they love you and care for you.
They might never show it,
maybe because they are shy
or maybe because they just don't know how to express themselves,
and some more we are ASIANs!!
and it is common for parents to not show affection,
because we are just Asians!!
you might be thinking..oh...i have a different situation from you
well you might be quite right we are all in different situations,
but when it comes to relationships i believe
that the bond between you and your love ones is always there
it just needs a little initiative from one side or the other
So don't waste your time,
don't hide your feelings.
let the people you love know you love them,
let it out before it is too late,
cherish every moment you have together,
because these memories are the only things that can and will last forever.


Love,
U Sun